passing of the torch?

i went to a benefit last night at one of the local bars for a woman at work on second shift who has recently learned that the cancer she has is terminal. they discovered the cancer a few months ago and she began her therapy and thought everything was progressing nicely. she had expected to come back to work next month in february, but of course, she learned that it had metastasized at an alarming rate and had changed her prognosis.

i try to get along with everyone at work, including this woman, marilyn. one evening, after i had been on the job for about two months, i came into work exhausted and was listening to marilyn tell me what i needed to know about the parts i would be working on before it was time for her shift to leave. i did the dreaded 'eye roll' and marilyn thought it was directed at her. she went to the one of the leaders and inquired if that was my general behavior and the person told her no, that i was nice and very easy to get along with (this is the same leader that gave me the very bad review, and this one incident is what sparked it).

i'm a very sensitive person. i realized what i had done after it happened and cursed myself up and down. i also apologized to marilyn the next time i saw for which she was very appreciative.

i do have a point with all this, i'm trying to get to it. marilyn is a fireball of knowledge and energy when it comes to working on the parts. if there is a question you need answered, marilyn will give it to you straight. marilyn knows it all. her knowledge and experience will be very hard to replace.

last night, out in the parking lot, i gave her some cookies that i had made for the cake walk (i had arrived late) and she told me that she had heard that i was going to be her replacement. i told her i had no intention of going to second shift. she looked me straight in the eye and said "i'm not talking about the shifts, teresa. i hear that you're turning into the knowledgeable one regarding the parts. i hear that you're doing a good job and picking things up fast, very fast." i've got that deer in the headlights look now. i told her that no one at that job (other than the other new leader, jim and sarah) tell me that i'm doing a good job. she said, "they won't. that's how the place is. you keep doing what you're doing and when you're right, you stand your ground. you'll do very well, teresa." i started to get misty eyed and she told me not to start crying or she would, too. too late for that.

i can't imagine work without marilyn. i can't imagine coming in and seeing her toolbox gone. it's still early and things change. i would like to believe that miracles still do happen and that marilyn will continue to live a long, healthy life. i'm trying very hard to believe, if only for her.

as far as filling marilyn's shoes, that will never happen. marilyn's boots should be bronzed and set in our work cell. with everything that has happened in my life lately, i'm still trying to keep my balance. i've been with this company for six months now and i'm just now beginning to feel comfortable with the job. i consider it a very great compliment indeed, especially coming from marilyn herself, to be considered anything like her.

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on a much lighter note regarding the evening, many of my fellow employees were quite shocked to see me looking like a woman. sarah and i had taken the time to actually wear something feminine last night. i ran late because i was busy baking all day at sarah's(my apartment has no counter space for rolling dough) and because the copper components i was waiting on finally arrived and i wanted to make this necklace to wear to the benefit. it turned out quite nice. it's definitely a cleavage necklace. it has pale blue-green chalcedony briolettes, teal green as well as a sort of pale green (almost celadon) color of freshwater pearls. i received compliments all night long on how pretty it was. and when sarah would tell them that i made it, they would just stare at me. one woman, marla, looked at me and said pointing at the necklace, "you can do that and you're tack-welding?"

i also turned out to be the highest bidder for one of the guys, rob, at the bachelor auction at the benefit. i have no idea what possessed me to keep raising my hand. jason, my old supervisor, had wanted to bid on rob and use him as a babysitter for his four kids. i'm still thinking about that. people kept walking by me all night wishing me good luck. sarah had suggested we leave a big box of condoms on his tool chest when we see him again with a little note telling him to get his rest! rob's reputation at work as a ladies man is not an urban legend. thankfully, i am not his type and will not have to worry about any overtures from him!